Conversational Jiu Jitsu

My old XO used to use the term "Staff Officer Jiu Jitsu" to describe this phenomenon -- if you want some action to be taken, you have to find the person who would carry it out, explain it, and then convince him that it was his idea in the first place. Compliment him on what a great idea it was, and boom -- it will happen.

If this sounds like it makes no sense or wouldn't work, try it before you dismiss it. You might be amazed by how well this works. Of course, you have to somewhat smooth and subtle about the transfer of ownership of the idea. But once you've done this, the old workplace maxim kicks in: "There's no limit to the amount of work you can get done as long as you don't care who takes the credit."

Well, a cousin of this idea is something I'll refer to here as "Conversational Jiu Jitsu." Again, it's going to sound absurd at first. But here it is: If you become extremely good at listening -- engaged, brow furrowed/lips pursed, with appropriate head-nods, "okays," and "I knows," -- people will actually think you're talking. You would simply not believe the number of times I've had "conversations" that lasted up to an hour where I purposely said maybe five or ten total words. What did someone else tell me at the end?

"This has been the most amazing conversation."

"I always come into your office and then get pulled into these conversations and the next thing you know, it's an hour later."

"You can really talk anyone's ear off."

If I had somehow been able to capture the conversations with a tape recorder, and play it back while juxtaposing it with the above comments, it really would've been theater-of-the-absurd type of stuff. But trust me, they're all real.

Now comes the part you're really not going to believe.

I'm guessing that you know me (I'm not entirely sure who reads this, but I would bet it's mainly friends and colleagues).

Here's my challenge to you: The next time you see me in either a) a group of three or more, or b) with someone who is not already a close friend, take a closer look at the conversation to determine who is actually doing the talking, and who is actually doing the listening.

You may be very surprised by what you notice.