I know William Safire has already written a column about this, and some readers of the blog have noted it as well, but the fact remains -- the word humbling has been badly distorted in popular American speech.
How, you ask?
Well, everytime someone wins an Oscar, a Grammy, or the blue-ribbon prize at the Clamath County bake-off, he or she feels the need to make an acceptance speech about how "humbling" it is to have won.
Well, according the dictionary, humbling is an adjective meaning, "Causing awareness of your shortcomings."
Yesterday, I was at quarters (that's an all-hands meeting) where a Captain was receiving a Meritorious Service Medal (that's a big deal). After being given the floor by the Admiral, the Captain made no fewer than five references to how "humbling" it was to have received the medal.
Huh?
I *get* what he meant to say. When you think about the great things someone did to receive something, you feel humble to be put in the same league. When you win an Oscar for best supporting actor, and then you start thinking about Sidney Poitier, you feel humble.
Check.
But winning the award is an honor. It doesn't shame, embarrass, or humiliate you, so winning it isn't humbling.
If you tripped over the stairs on your way to the podium, that would be humbling.
If you stuttered during your acceptance speech, let go a swear word, or if a body part came out of your clothing unintentionally, that could also be humbling.
A nine year-old girl kicked the crap out of me at Lowell Tae Kwon Do on Shattuck Street last night. That was humbling.
Winning an Oscar, earning a Meritorious Service Medal, or earning second place in the freestyle division at the sock-hop festival, however, is not.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
NEXT Open Mic at the Worthen (...And this time I mean it!)
Well, this is the 3rd Thursday in a row I've meant to head up to the Worthen to witness the Thursday open mic comedy but it looks like it ain't gonna happen. I'm just meeting too darn early tomorrow with someone too far above me in the hierarchy, so I'll just stay in and rest up.
I have been thinking a bit about material, however (the idea still being I'd like to witness several iterations before actually gaining the gumption to get up there myself).
This next part may not be funny in the written format, but I think that with the right content tweaks and the right delivery, it has potential.
One thing I'm going to talk about is deadpanning. 'Deadpan,' of course, is already a real term, but my twist on it is the look I give someone when they make reflexive, knee-jerk, stock water cooler-type jokes.
"Would you like some pancakes with that syrup?"
"Would you like some coffee with that sugar and cream?"
"Are we keeping you up?" (Said reflexively after a yawn)
"Walk much?" (Said anytime someone bumps into anything)
"I would have nominated myself for the leadership seminar, but all I could ever lead was a drunk to happy hour." (Please reference my earlier post about overdone self-effacement)
"I don't know how many people it takes to defend France...it's never been tried." (Editor's Note: The next time I hear that said, I will beat the speaker over the head with a world history textbook. Not only is it not funny, it's about as historically accurate as references to the Confederacy having won the American Civil War."
"They pretend to pay me...I pretend to work."
Or, of course, any reflexive, thoughtless ethnic humor, that -- political sensibilities aside -- is almost certainly unoriginal and not funny..."Hey O'Malley, go eat some potatoes!"
Well, you get the idea. You don't have to tell me, because I already know that there's someone you work with who just repeats these type of jokes and finds it hysterical.
Here's how I react to it:
When someone asks me if I want pancakes with that butter, I just stare back in the most blank, confused sort of way I possibly can.
Their inevitable reaction:
"Lighten up, man. It's a joke. Have a sense of humor."
The comedy-of-the-absurd here is that the speaker never stops to think that maybe the reaction is a response to the extreme lameness of the original comment, and not some kind of barometer on whether the listener does or does not have a sense of humor.
But if the speaker were keen enough to pick up on all of that, he probably wouldn't be walking around doing Austin Powers impressions and asking people, "How's your wife and my two kids?"
The general spirit of unawareness that drives that knee-jerk insta-humor in the first place feeds the response-to-the-response that I just wrote about.
And if I can somehow capture that in a routine, I think it could be pretty funny!
I have been thinking a bit about material, however (the idea still being I'd like to witness several iterations before actually gaining the gumption to get up there myself).
This next part may not be funny in the written format, but I think that with the right content tweaks and the right delivery, it has potential.
One thing I'm going to talk about is deadpanning. 'Deadpan,' of course, is already a real term, but my twist on it is the look I give someone when they make reflexive, knee-jerk, stock water cooler-type jokes.
"Would you like some pancakes with that syrup?"
"Would you like some coffee with that sugar and cream?"
"Are we keeping you up?" (Said reflexively after a yawn)
"Walk much?" (Said anytime someone bumps into anything)
"I would have nominated myself for the leadership seminar, but all I could ever lead was a drunk to happy hour." (Please reference my earlier post about overdone self-effacement)
"I don't know how many people it takes to defend France...it's never been tried." (Editor's Note: The next time I hear that said, I will beat the speaker over the head with a world history textbook. Not only is it not funny, it's about as historically accurate as references to the Confederacy having won the American Civil War."
"They pretend to pay me...I pretend to work."
Or, of course, any reflexive, thoughtless ethnic humor, that -- political sensibilities aside -- is almost certainly unoriginal and not funny..."Hey O'Malley, go eat some potatoes!"
Well, you get the idea. You don't have to tell me, because I already know that there's someone you work with who just repeats these type of jokes and finds it hysterical.
Here's how I react to it:
When someone asks me if I want pancakes with that butter, I just stare back in the most blank, confused sort of way I possibly can.
Their inevitable reaction:
"Lighten up, man. It's a joke. Have a sense of humor."
The comedy-of-the-absurd here is that the speaker never stops to think that maybe the reaction is a response to the extreme lameness of the original comment, and not some kind of barometer on whether the listener does or does not have a sense of humor.
But if the speaker were keen enough to pick up on all of that, he probably wouldn't be walking around doing Austin Powers impressions and asking people, "How's your wife and my two kids?"
The general spirit of unawareness that drives that knee-jerk insta-humor in the first place feeds the response-to-the-response that I just wrote about.
And if I can somehow capture that in a routine, I think it could be pretty funny!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Noncoms: The Best and the Worst
If you want to really understand the modern American military -- what makes it great and what makes it unique (both historically and compared with other modern armed forces) -- the first thing you really need to understand is this: the tremendous positional authority granted to noncommissioned officers (NCOs). An NCO, generally speaking, is a sergeant or above in the Army/Marines/Air Force, or a petty officer or above in the Navy or Coast Guard. Sometimes, however, it's used in a way that applies only to E-7 through E-9 (the highest enlisted ranks).
As a Junior Officer (JO), it means quite a bit to me because part of the unique role that our NCOs play is in the way they mentor and train JOs. As I've written about in this blog before, I've seen them at their best when they're offering tough-love and honest-to-goodness mentorship and "steering" that's grooming me for the better understanding I'll need of certain protocols when I move past the JO stage.
So yes, by and large, I've come to love and appreciate noncoms and the role they play in the military. But with anything, of course, there's a flip-side: when they turn into the kid in the back of the classroom throwing spitballs.
Huh?
Think back to middle or high school. Remember the kid with above-average aptitude who barely passed because he refused to "apply himself"? (i.e. play the game in order to succeed).
To me, the grown-up version of that is anyone in any context (military or civilian) who can't be told anything he doesn't already know, won't listen to any potentially divergent viewpoint before reaching a conclusion, and is quick to label any event a clusterf**k or a goatrope because the leadership is so effed up. Of course, this is always the last person to volunteer to help out or to roger up for any possibly arduous duty (either in actual difficulty or just in the sense that something may go wrong).
Here's what I've noticed in my almost-four years of active duty so far -- every once in a while, you run into noncoms that embody this persona, but it never seems to happen with Commanding Officers, Executive Officers, or just about anyone else that reaches Major or above.
Why?
Because it's really hard to be in charge. Being in charge means making -- and owning -- tough decisions with real consequences. It means compromising. It means listening to many sides to understand the extreme complexity of certain decisions.
By contrast, as logic would have it, it's really easy NOT to be in charge.
That's why the people who call ESPN radio on Monday morning are always smarter than all the NFL coaches who had to decide what to do on fourth-and-three the day before. That's why, as one bumper sticker I just saw put it, the people who should really be running for President are all busy driving cabs or cutting hair.
And that's also why there's a certain (albeit small) percentage of noncoms who are always going to be that kid in the back -- smart, yes, and capable, yes, but too busy throwing spitballs at everyone else and making fun of the teacher to ever get involved and really take ownership of anything difficult.
And if there are any sergeants or chiefs reading this -- present or former -- just remember I'm only talking about a tiny percentage here. But you and I both know they're out there.
So why am I even bothering to write about it?
Because I've come to expect better.
As a Junior Officer (JO), it means quite a bit to me because part of the unique role that our NCOs play is in the way they mentor and train JOs. As I've written about in this blog before, I've seen them at their best when they're offering tough-love and honest-to-goodness mentorship and "steering" that's grooming me for the better understanding I'll need of certain protocols when I move past the JO stage.
So yes, by and large, I've come to love and appreciate noncoms and the role they play in the military. But with anything, of course, there's a flip-side: when they turn into the kid in the back of the classroom throwing spitballs.
Huh?
Think back to middle or high school. Remember the kid with above-average aptitude who barely passed because he refused to "apply himself"? (i.e. play the game in order to succeed).
To me, the grown-up version of that is anyone in any context (military or civilian) who can't be told anything he doesn't already know, won't listen to any potentially divergent viewpoint before reaching a conclusion, and is quick to label any event a clusterf**k or a goatrope because the leadership is so effed up. Of course, this is always the last person to volunteer to help out or to roger up for any possibly arduous duty (either in actual difficulty or just in the sense that something may go wrong).
Here's what I've noticed in my almost-four years of active duty so far -- every once in a while, you run into noncoms that embody this persona, but it never seems to happen with Commanding Officers, Executive Officers, or just about anyone else that reaches Major or above.
Why?
Because it's really hard to be in charge. Being in charge means making -- and owning -- tough decisions with real consequences. It means compromising. It means listening to many sides to understand the extreme complexity of certain decisions.
By contrast, as logic would have it, it's really easy NOT to be in charge.
That's why the people who call ESPN radio on Monday morning are always smarter than all the NFL coaches who had to decide what to do on fourth-and-three the day before. That's why, as one bumper sticker I just saw put it, the people who should really be running for President are all busy driving cabs or cutting hair.
And that's also why there's a certain (albeit small) percentage of noncoms who are always going to be that kid in the back -- smart, yes, and capable, yes, but too busy throwing spitballs at everyone else and making fun of the teacher to ever get involved and really take ownership of anything difficult.
And if there are any sergeants or chiefs reading this -- present or former -- just remember I'm only talking about a tiny percentage here. But you and I both know they're out there.
So why am I even bothering to write about it?
Because I've come to expect better.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Not Only Do We Allow It...
I spent the past two nights at LeLacheur watching the Spinners go toe-to-toe with the Vermont Lake Monsters. Last night went to extra winnings (though the Spinners lost) but tonight ended in the bottom of the ninth with a come-from-behind rally that ended with a sac fly out to center which brought home the winning run.
If any single experience sums up my experience at the park so far, it's this:
I asked one of the ushers if it would be alright if my friend Dave and I went down to the reserved seating even though we only bought standing room seats. I know this practice is either frowned upon or outright discouraged at most places, because of the possibly perverse incentive it gives to would-be ticket buyers, and the chance for confrontation it could create when rightful seat owners arrive late to a game.
But when I asked the usher about this he said, "Not only do we allow it, we encourage it." The ushers then went out of their way to point out available open seats (there were many, as it was a Sunday night and it was threatening to rain) and even pointed out that buying standing-room tickets at every opportunity is a cheaper (and possibly better) alternative to buying season tickets.
Combine that with the constant inter-inning entertainment (tonight featured autographed footballs being kicked into the crowd by the New England Patriots' kicker, Stephen Gostkowski), the way the stadium involves the crowd (note all the trivia contests, karaoke, kids' dancing/baserunning/movie nights), and you can see why the Spinners are held up as a model successful minor league baseball franchise.
If any single experience sums up my experience at the park so far, it's this:
I asked one of the ushers if it would be alright if my friend Dave and I went down to the reserved seating even though we only bought standing room seats. I know this practice is either frowned upon or outright discouraged at most places, because of the possibly perverse incentive it gives to would-be ticket buyers, and the chance for confrontation it could create when rightful seat owners arrive late to a game.
But when I asked the usher about this he said, "Not only do we allow it, we encourage it." The ushers then went out of their way to point out available open seats (there were many, as it was a Sunday night and it was threatening to rain) and even pointed out that buying standing-room tickets at every opportunity is a cheaper (and possibly better) alternative to buying season tickets.
Combine that with the constant inter-inning entertainment (tonight featured autographed footballs being kicked into the crowd by the New England Patriots' kicker, Stephen Gostkowski), the way the stadium involves the crowd (note all the trivia contests, karaoke, kids' dancing/baserunning/movie nights), and you can see why the Spinners are held up as a model successful minor league baseball franchise.
Friday, June 20, 2008
More News from "Over There"
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/21/world/middleeast/21security.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp
The above link is to an article in today's NY Times which gives a fairly balanced view of things in Iraq -- while things are demonstrably turning a corner, the relative peace there is not a certain thing for the days ahead.
The negotations going on right now at the highest levels of the U.S. and Iraqi governments are determining whether the current UN Security Council Resolution will be renewed (the one that authorizes foreign troop presence and gives them broad powers) or if it will take on a newer, more restricted form.
By entering Iraq uninvited in 2003, I believe the U.S. took on a moral obligation to help assist Iraq with what it needs in order to stand on its own feet as a democratic government. It's not our choice to either impose a Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) the Iraqis don't want (well, we can't do that anyway, they're a sovereign nation) or to pull chalks and abandon them completely.
Unpopular SOFAs tend not to work so well (think about the way ours fanned anti-Shah sentiment in Iran in the 1970s), and neither does complete abandonment of allies (just think about the painful regret we're still feeling after disengaging from our Afghan allies in the late 1980s).
The above link is to an article in today's NY Times which gives a fairly balanced view of things in Iraq -- while things are demonstrably turning a corner, the relative peace there is not a certain thing for the days ahead.
The negotations going on right now at the highest levels of the U.S. and Iraqi governments are determining whether the current UN Security Council Resolution will be renewed (the one that authorizes foreign troop presence and gives them broad powers) or if it will take on a newer, more restricted form.
By entering Iraq uninvited in 2003, I believe the U.S. took on a moral obligation to help assist Iraq with what it needs in order to stand on its own feet as a democratic government. It's not our choice to either impose a Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) the Iraqis don't want (well, we can't do that anyway, they're a sovereign nation) or to pull chalks and abandon them completely.
Unpopular SOFAs tend not to work so well (think about the way ours fanned anti-Shah sentiment in Iran in the 1970s), and neither does complete abandonment of allies (just think about the painful regret we're still feeling after disengaging from our Afghan allies in the late 1980s).
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Leno to Perform at Lowell Mem. Aud.
I just wanted to make sure no one missed this.
http://www.lowellsun.com/todaysheadlines/ci_9633188
Apparently, there are actually some tickets possibly available to see Leno perform Saturday night as part of the Middlesex Community College Celebrity Forum. Sounds like a great opportunity -- Leno is the Man.
Speaking of comedy, I should add here that I'm thinking about taking some of the material here and morphing it into a stand-up routine. It would be mostly observational type stuff -- always inspired by, but never ripping off, people like George Carlin and Jerry Seinfeld, but with a somewhat more animated delivery.
And, of course, there would be a healthy smattering of Senator Marzilli jokes waiting in the wings in case my "Did-you-ever-notice-when-people-do-x-or-y" stuff wasn't taking off.
http://www.lowellsun.com/todaysheadlines/ci_9633188
Apparently, there are actually some tickets possibly available to see Leno perform Saturday night as part of the Middlesex Community College Celebrity Forum. Sounds like a great opportunity -- Leno is the Man.
Speaking of comedy, I should add here that I'm thinking about taking some of the material here and morphing it into a stand-up routine. It would be mostly observational type stuff -- always inspired by, but never ripping off, people like George Carlin and Jerry Seinfeld, but with a somewhat more animated delivery.
And, of course, there would be a healthy smattering of Senator Marzilli jokes waiting in the wings in case my "Did-you-ever-notice-when-people-do-x-or-y" stuff wasn't taking off.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Iraq: Following the Money
"Follow the money." -- Deep Throat, to Bob Woodward, behind the orange glow of a cigarette in an unlit parking garage, Washington, DC, 1972.
While America has been enthralled with the Democratic primaries, the general election, the NBA playoffs, and Tiger Woods' post-knee surgery exploits, a lot of really neat stuff has been going on in Iraq.
U.S. troop casualties are at record lows, Iraqi army/police casualties are at record lows, and Iraqi civilian casualties are at record lows, too (despite the persistent but increasingly rare spectacular attacks like the one that claimed 51 lives in Baghdad today). Signs of normalcy return to Baghdad and other cities day by day, and public opinion polls show increased confidence in Prime Minister Maliki (thanks in large part to the success of recent operations in Basra, Mosul, and Sadr City) as well as increased optimism for the future. More Gulf Arab states are formalizing diplomatic relationships with Iraq in the form of embassies and consulates that have been closed since 2003 or 2004 due to security concerns.
As General Petraeus is quick to remind us, however, all these security gains are "fragile and reversible." He's right.
What's just as important -- maybe even more so -- for Iraq's long-term success as a prosperous democracy in the heart of the Middle East -- is the Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) that will bring an improved job market and better consumer options for Iraqis. (Remember, debriefs of detained insurgents have consistently shown that financial considerations have driven more insurgent behavior than have any other single motive).
Guess what?
The FDI trickle is starting to become a flow, and it matters. (http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20080617/1a_lede17_dom.art.htm) With every dollar of foreign investment that comes in, more and more international actors have a key stake in the future success and stability of Iraq. More Iraqis have sources of employment and entrepreneurial opportunities. That strengthens civil society.
As I might say, it strengthens Iraq's social capital.
There are many factors in place that are going to lead Iraq to be a league leader in GDP growth over the next several years -- significant oil wealth (daily exports have passed pre-2003 levels, with crude prices in the stratosphere), religious tourism, a largely untapped labor pool, and a huge market hungry for the consumer goods that they've largely been denied either through state repression (1968-1991), international sanctions (1991-2003), and the privations of war (2003-present).
As my CO told us two years ago, "Stop looking for the big picture in Iraq. There is no big picture. There are just lots and lots of little ones."
Every step in the positive feedback loop of improved security and a more robust economy is a little picture that will help bring healing to a people that have suffered more over the past two generations -- through no fault of their own, mind you -- than most us will ever care to know, or even imagine.
While America has been enthralled with the Democratic primaries, the general election, the NBA playoffs, and Tiger Woods' post-knee surgery exploits, a lot of really neat stuff has been going on in Iraq.
U.S. troop casualties are at record lows, Iraqi army/police casualties are at record lows, and Iraqi civilian casualties are at record lows, too (despite the persistent but increasingly rare spectacular attacks like the one that claimed 51 lives in Baghdad today). Signs of normalcy return to Baghdad and other cities day by day, and public opinion polls show increased confidence in Prime Minister Maliki (thanks in large part to the success of recent operations in Basra, Mosul, and Sadr City) as well as increased optimism for the future. More Gulf Arab states are formalizing diplomatic relationships with Iraq in the form of embassies and consulates that have been closed since 2003 or 2004 due to security concerns.
As General Petraeus is quick to remind us, however, all these security gains are "fragile and reversible." He's right.
What's just as important -- maybe even more so -- for Iraq's long-term success as a prosperous democracy in the heart of the Middle East -- is the Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) that will bring an improved job market and better consumer options for Iraqis. (Remember, debriefs of detained insurgents have consistently shown that financial considerations have driven more insurgent behavior than have any other single motive).
Guess what?
The FDI trickle is starting to become a flow, and it matters. (http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20080617/1a_lede17_dom.art.htm) With every dollar of foreign investment that comes in, more and more international actors have a key stake in the future success and stability of Iraq. More Iraqis have sources of employment and entrepreneurial opportunities. That strengthens civil society.
As I might say, it strengthens Iraq's social capital.
There are many factors in place that are going to lead Iraq to be a league leader in GDP growth over the next several years -- significant oil wealth (daily exports have passed pre-2003 levels, with crude prices in the stratosphere), religious tourism, a largely untapped labor pool, and a huge market hungry for the consumer goods that they've largely been denied either through state repression (1968-1991), international sanctions (1991-2003), and the privations of war (2003-present).
As my CO told us two years ago, "Stop looking for the big picture in Iraq. There is no big picture. There are just lots and lots of little ones."
Every step in the positive feedback loop of improved security and a more robust economy is a little picture that will help bring healing to a people that have suffered more over the past two generations -- through no fault of their own, mind you -- than most us will ever care to know, or even imagine.
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